Can’t Complain About Chronic Pain

Posted on November 27, 2012 by Reena

sympathy, health, pain, pain management“Oh, you’re not feeling well? (Again)”  The ‘Again’ is the main reaction rather than sympathy for someone with a chronic sickness or problem.  I know the feeling to some extent since I’ve been struggling with some cervical spine issues that cause long-term pain.  Luckily I’m not dying from this and I can carry on with my life, mostly.  However, my activities are limited by the pain and nausea.  I’ve tried all different types of treatments from holistic to invasive and have taken all kinds of meds.  All these things have helped a bit but nothing has brought major improvement.  So, I carry on with life but I notice that I can’t be a victim anymore.  My time limit is up.

I’ve noticed through my own experience and through that of friends, that people generally have a short attention span or window for sympathy.  They can genuinely care about you but after a while they want things to snap back to normal.  I can totally understand this feeling because I’ve been on both sides of this equation.  It’s hard to be around someone who is always complaining or bringing the mood down.  It can drain those around them even if that is not what they intend.  Suddenly the person who was the sympathizer starts feeling frustrated and sorry for themselves and that leaves no energy to feel sorry for the victim.

Quite often a person with a common cold will garner more sympathy and attention than someone who has been suffering chronically.  People are good at short-term sympathy.  This probably explains why when there is a tragic event like an earthquake that kills many, people all rally to donate and help in the beginning.  After a month or so however, all this help dwindles and though people will feel sad when talking about the tragedy, they are no longer ready to alter their regular lives to help out.  I guess human nature expects that you help someone get up when they have fallen but you can’t be their crutch.  Maybe that forces people to become self-sufficient despite their circumstances but it can be really tough.  Well whatever the reasons, I still feel for those with long-term troubles or chronic pains and I hope they don’t lose their support before they can stand on their own.

Posted in Health, Opinion | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Lincoln- Great Movie

Posted on November 21, 2012 by Reena

Lincoln, movie, Daniel Day-Lewis, Tommy Lee Jones, Sally FieldI had the recent pleasure to watch the movie, Lincoln twice.  It was great both times.  The acting by Daniel Day-Lewis as the president and Sally Field as the first lady was wonderful.  They were truly transformed into their characters.  Tommy Lee Jones also did an amazing job as a congressman fighting against slavery.  His dialogues were witty, cutting and quite meaningful.  My favorite part of the movie was the dialogue, mainly the stories told by President Lincoln.  These were the things we never learned when studying history in school but the part that gave you a real feel for the man, the great President.  You really got a sense of the difficult presidency through the civil war and a time of change and the man who had the strength to lead through it all.  You also got insight into his personal life and his struggles as a father and a husband.

Since its release, I’ve had a few friends ask me if it would be appropriate to take their kids to watch it.  Lincoln has a PG-13 rating which can mean a lot of different things these days.  A lot of it is at the discretion of the parents and what their children are comfortable with but it is hard to know based on just a trailer.  Well, I can understand parents thinking this would be a good history lesson for their kids and wanting to take them.  However, for most kids under 13, I had to advise against it.  My own boys, ages 8 and 9, have seen many PG-13 movies, including most of the superhero flicks and the Transformers series.  However, this is a different kind of PG-13.  This rating is based on a small amount of foul language, a few gory war scenes, mutilated bodies, and mainly the mature dialogue.  I mean mature in the sense that kids may not understand it.  The language is spoken in an older style and the discussions are deep.  The main thing, even for those who feel their kids are mature for their age, is that most kids would be bored.  This is not a movie about Lincoln’s whole life.  It is a story of a political vote in the House of Representatives and the politics that surround it.

I would definitely recommend all adults to watch it and those high school kids that are very interested in politics.  Younger kids should wait until they can appreciate it.  I really enjoyed it even more since we just went through a presidential election and now are constantly hearing about the fiscal cliff and the votes needed to pass the tax bill.  Watching the way votes were won for a cause at that time made me think about what kind of scrambling is going on in Washington right now.  This movie will definitely be a big Oscar contender.  So far, Lincoln and Argo are my favorites but let’s see what the holidays bring.

Posted in Entertainment, Movies, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Skyfall

Posted on November 12, 2012 by Reena

Skyfall, James Bond, 007, Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, Bond movie, Ralph Fiennes

The latest Bond installment has been doing very well in the box office, and rightly so.  It was a very good movie.  The last two Bond movies starring Daniel Craig had a different style.  They showed a more angry, serious James Bond but Skyfall brings us back to more of the original 007 feel.  It was full of great action scenes and his old Aston Martin (the car received the biggest reaction from the audience).  There was a bit of lightness and the charm of our favorite spy.  There were also two beautiful Bond girls, Naomie Harris and Berenice Marlohe with whom he enjoyed entertaining banter and some steamy scenes.

Javier Bardem did an amazing job as the villain.  He was awful and sadistic in so many ways yet telling his back story made you sympathize with him as well.  He had a bit of humor in his style and was a great match against James Bond as he plotted revenge against M.  Judi Dench performed well as usual trying to be unemotional and focused on the job despite emotionally trying situations.  The addition of Ralph Fiennes as Gareth Mallory of MI6 was a good choice as well.  He’s another complex character that you get to know more as the movie progresses.

Overall, it was worth going to the theater to watch and would please most Bond fans out there.  It was also entertaining enough as a stand-alone movie for those who aren’t up to speed on the other Bond films.  My boys who are 8 and 10 were very interested in watching it since the trailers they had seen on TV looked ‘cool and action-packed’.  We did not take them to watch it since Bond movies seem made for a more mature audience.  Having now watched it, I can say it was the right decision and I’m glad we didn’t give in to the boys.  There is more sex, violence, and mature dialogue than many of the similarly rated superhero movies that they’ve seen.  I would say it is more appropriate for older teens and up.

So, check out Skyfall if you get a chance.  Lots of eye candy and action.  More insight into the back-story of main characters.  All in all a good flick and a good theme song by Adele too!

 

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Politics- When Kids Behave and Adults Misbehave

Posted on November 8, 2012 by Reena

President, Election, Children, Kid, Hatred, Divided NationThis year’s presidential election has shown me things I never saw in previous elections.  Part of this is because I can see it through the eyes of my now school-age children.  The other reason is because I never saw so much hatred during any other election.

My boys are now in second and fourth grade and are finally old enough to understand the political system of our country at a basic level.  At a deeper level, I’m not sure most adults understand it and that includes those in office.  Anyway, the teachers in their schools have been great at educating the kids by having mock-elections and giving them information on the Democrat and Republican parties.  They have been enthusiastically learning about it and giving their votes.  My boys were sad that the presidential election results wouldn’t be in before their bedtime.  It was really sweet to see their budding interest in how our country works and understanding why people vote for different parties.

On the other hand I was really saddened to see how many adults were misbehaving over the campaign and election process.  People were attacking others quite personally over their political views.  A friend of mine had someone writing very hateful things on her Facebook page.  He was angry that she voted for President Obama and started attacking her Indian background, saying she’s “lucky you’re not being chased by a tiger in a village” and “you didn’t deserve to vote for that piece of #$&* Obama”.  He was very rudely saying that she’s not American enough and that’s why her vote is wrong and hurting his country.  Seriously?!?  I know that there are hateful, racist people in the world but I’m still shocked when I see them in action.  Another person I know had swastikas and awful racial slurs painted all over their yard because of their Obama posters.  This is crazy!  I know that the white-male majority has dwindled and the country is changing, but deal with it.  In fact, the white males and the rest of us are all immigrants to this great nation.  Only the Native Americans were here first.  How can these haters decide who is a real American and not.  As long as we pay our taxes and support the USA as our own, it shouldn’t matter if our ancestors have been here for two generations or ten.

I don’t know if the increased hate and divisiveness during this election is because of the economic frustrations.  George W. Bush had done a lot to hurt our nation but the hatred between parties and supporters wasn’t as extreme then.  Is it because we were more joined as a nation because of our fear of terrorists?  Is it because this time our President is black and some people’s hidden bigotry is coming to the surface?  Maybe it is just that people look for someone to blame when things are bad and Pres. Obama’s policies became a poster child for their problems.

Well whatever the reasons, the election has been decided and I hope we can now come together as a nation.  When we stand together we can get so much accomplished and we stand strong.  When we don’t, nothing gets done.  This can be seen with our Congress where they can’t agree on anything and are holding back progress.  We should take a cue from our children who do not yet have this hatred and show a passion and pride for their nation.  Their innocence is heartwarming and gives us hope that maybe our next generation can work together for a better future.

Posted in Opinion, Parenting, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Just Going Through the Motions

Posted on November 7, 2012 by Reena

depressed, frustrated, mom, sadness, Ever have one of those days when things just seem sad and too much to handle?  You have lots to do so you keep at it and go through the motions of your life.  You know a bit of what is bothering you but can’t make sense of it all.  There is no immediate solution to this mood since you haven’t pinpointed the problem.  So you go through the motions.  You keep chugging along and hope that something makes you feel better.  You hope the kids don’t start fighting when they enter the door.  Today you just don’t have the energy for it.  You have just enough energy to do your errands and chores without thinking or caring.  To handle more seems overwhelming.  You don’t want to take it out on anyone so you fake it til you make it….just go through the motions.

What will make this better? Chocolate, a nice movie, a nap?  Don’t really know.  Maybe it will all be better tomorrow and the troubles will seem less difficult to handle.  Maybe the happy faces of the kids will bring smiles and this feeling will be gone.  After all, their innocence is precious and their personalities are charming.  Let’s hope and look forward to better things….

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It Takes a Village to Survive Hurricane Sandy

Posted on November 3, 2012 by Reena

Hurricane Sandy, Sandy, Communities, New Jersey, New York City, Storm, Damage,Hurricane Sandy has passed but the aftermath is something that all of us in NJ/NYC are still suffering through.  I live in NJ and my husband works in NYC so we’ve been affected by the mess in both.  It has been quite a surreal experience since we were all prepared for a bad storm but never expected anything like this.  We were one lucky development that didn’t lose power while almost the whole town was dark.  My parents and friends in the next town spent most of the week with us since it was too hard to stay in their homes without heat or power.  We felt blessed to still have power and thought it only right to share that blessing with others.

Most of the stories I heard from other friends were similar.  Anyone with power or even a generator was inviting friends and neighbors to share some heat and charge up their phones.  At least this disaster was bringing out the best in most people.  Though we did hear a few news reports of looting or people pulling out guns while waiting for gas on 3 hour lines, those were still the exceptions.  Despite people’s frustrations, they continued to appreciate all the utility workers from our state and all around the country who came to help us get back up and running.

We braved the storm (or at least the aftermath) together and it made it more tolerable.  Watching all the devastation along our precious shore line and seeing the flooding all over NYC was very painful.  I’ve been a Jersey girl all my life and spent years working in and enjoying Manhattan as well.  Thus all these images made me very emotional.  So many landmarks washed away or crushed, not to mention all the lives lost and families displaced from their homes.  It is tragic on so many levels and our hearts go out to those who have had to suffer so much more than we have due to the storm.  It was hard to look away from all the images of homes destroyed and people being rescued by brave first responders.  Though, having a full house of friends and family with us made it much better.  We were able to chat and share our feelings and distract ourselves too.  My kids enjoyed the week-long play date with their friends and their first sleep-over.  No one wished for any of this and would have been thrilled if none of this had happened but the silver lining was the time we got to spend with friends, neighbors and family that we otherwise wouldn’t have had.  I feel really bad for those who didn’t know anyone who they could camp out with.  Though even our town had alerted us to a make-shift day shelter at the school where people could stay warm and use the internet and get hot coffee.  Even strangers were kind during this time.

Now people are slowly getting power back and our house is back to just the four of us.  Time to get back to normal, knowing that it may take months or years for others to do the same.  Now that the fear of the storm is over, the sadness sets in.  I have tears looking at the pictures of the beach towns that I enjoyed all my life.  Though all the goodness I’ve seen in people reassures me that we can get through this hardship and rebuild.  Even our governor who I rarely agree with has been a pillar of strength and someone I appreciate at this time.  He and President Obama appropriately put their politics aside and are doing everything they can to help the people of the state get their lives back.  All this cooperation from regular people and even politicians definitely inspires hope and pushes back my tears.  Now I can get back to being Jersey Strong and Jersey Proud and feel good about humanity!

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Opinion | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Bracing for Hurricane Sandy

Posted on October 29, 2012 by Reena

Hurricane, Sandy, Storm, FrankenstormWe’re bracing ourselves for Hurricane Sandy so I can’t write about anything else.  No matter what else you’re doing, this storm is looming overhead and in the back of our minds.  My kids are surprised that mommy and daddy don’t normally watch the news this much.  It isn’t that we stay ignorant about the world but we generally get our news on the internet.  Today is a different kind of day where we are trying to get all the live coverage from every channel about this ‘Frankenstorm’.

We are watching due to our slight fear of what will happen with our power or potential damage to our homes and for those we care about.  Yet, there is a greater concern for all the people who live in the high risk areas such as the shore line.  We also hear about the searches for homeless people to try to get them to shelters and I get chills thinking about it.  We are definitely fortunate to be in our homes even if we do lose power for a few days.  After seeing the damage to infrastructure and lives from Hurricane Katrina, you realize how bad things can get during a natural disaster.  It isn’t something to take lightly.  If it does pass without the expected destruction then we should be happy and not criticize the meteorologists and leaders that encouraged us to protect ourselves.

It is a strange feeling right now as we see heavy rain, intense winds and are told to stay indoors but know that the storm has not yet hit us.  It is a period of waiting and wondering how bad it will be.  The constant news coverage can make you even more panicky but yet your curiosity and fear don’t let you turn it off but for short periods.  You try to keep busy in the house, clean up, read, catch up on work, eat, but then you’re back to the news when you see the crazy wind gusts outside and the rain blowing sideways.

Well it is a few hours away and our shore communities are already underwater.  We pray that there isn’t any loss of life and that there is minimal loss of homes.  Many are inconvenienced and businesses are closed but that will pass quickly if there isn’t more serious devastation.  I send loving thoughts to my family, friends and all the strangers dealing with this. Good luck and I’ll see you post-Sandy!

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Super PTO Moms

Posted on October 17, 2012 by Reena

PTO, Parent teacher organization, school, education, volunteer, childrenOur children’s schools would not be the same without the PTO, which is primarily moms (though I totally appreciate the many dads that help as well).  These parents devote time and do so much to make sure our kids have more activities or supplies or trips than the school budget alone would afford them.  I guess in the expression “It takes a village to raise a child”, the PTO would be a village.  Not every parent can participate or give the same but all the kids benefit equally from the efforts of this village.

It is often not a simple task to organize the fund-raisers or fun activities for the kids or teachers.  I admire the moms who put in so much work.  It takes communication, collaboration, public speaking, project management and more to pull off one of these large events.  The moms doing this work are generally stay-at-home moms (SAHM) since they have more time flexibility to devote to the schools.  Of course there are plenty of working moms on the PTO as well but many times they can’t or won’t take the leadership/organizational roles because of their time constraints.  So these SAHMs put together these elaborate plans, think of creative ideas, try to recruit dozens of parents whose roles they will have to oversee, create project plans, make sure things are timely and within budget, and any other grunt work required.  These are intelligent and efficient women.  Many draw from the skills of their former careers pre-children.  Others learn as they go and become excellent coordinators and communicators.  I have gotten emails from PTO moms that came with full bullet point presentations and floor plans of our events.  They were detailed with charts of responsibilities and a complete timeline of the evening.

All this effort is purely for the education and enjoyment of our children and the betterment of our schools.  No bosses are going to judge these project plans.  No one is going to get fired for not doing a great job and there are no financial rewards for extra effort.  The reward is our children’s happy faces when the enjoy the PTO sponsored events.  It is the appreciation of the teachers who can use new supplies to improve our kids’ education.  I think these PTO Moms are super-moms for all their efforts.  Many parents who are not involved really don’t realize the hard work that goes into the PTO events that their kids enjoy.  Some even think it is just something for parents who have nothing else to do.  Well, every parent has plenty to do and this is a worthwhile cause.  So appreciate these Moms that make things happen for our schools and give a little of your own time if possible.  It does take a village after all!

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Soccer Dads

Posted on October 11, 2012 by Reena

soccer dad, coach, volunteer, kids, childrenIt’s soccer season for many of our kids and this takes a lot of family commitment.  Every weekend belongs partially to soccer and for some families there are weekday practices as well.  During my many hours on the field, I’ve been noticing and appreciating the fathers who volunteer their time and effort by coaching the kids.  This takes a lot of work.  I know because my husband coached last season.  This year he couldn’t due to a knee injury but many of the dads do this each year and often for other sports as well.

This requires dedication.  They need to look up games to make the practices more engaging for the younger children.  For the older kids they need to be well versed in all the rules and think of strategies based on the skills of the players.  Many of these men  have not played soccer themselves in many years so it takes work to coach.  They sometimes need to go to training sessions as well.  Not to mention that they can’t miss a single game.

People always make comments about soccer moms since we are often driving our kids to all their activities but we rarely hear soccer dads mentioned.  Without these dads who dedicate their time to helping our kids improve their skills, we may not have a lot of these community sports programs.  We all know that the economy at this time doesn’t give us the luxury of hiring extra people so we really value these volunteers.  I’m glad to see that this is no longer a time of parenting from the sidelines and expecting kids to succeed solely based on people we pay like teachers and coaches.  Of course we do need professionals to teach them the things we cannot but without parental engagement, their chances for success are lower.  Children who have parents that take a full interest in their lives and activities are sure to be happier and more confident as well.  I say ‘Thank you’ to all the parents who take time out to help their own kids and ours!

Posted in Opinion, Parenting, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Homeland Season Premiere

Posted on October 3, 2012 by Reena

Homeland,Showtime, TV, Claire Danes,Damian LewisShowtime’s intense CIA/terrorist/government based thrillerHomeland is back for its second season.  The first season was amazing as evidenced by the multiple Emmys they received, including best drama, actor, actress, and writing.  This show invokes paranoia, patriotism and sympathy and keeps the viewers totally engaged.  So far, the second season is off to a good start, even though they are still just setting the stage for what is to come.  Spoiler alerts for those who haven’t watched these episodes yet.

Claire Danes’ character Carrie broke down at the end of last season, lost her CIA career and subsequently submitted to electro-shock therapy for her bipolar disorder. Just before the therapy begins, she recalls something that validates her theories about Nicholas Brody. Brody (played by Damian Lewis) was a soldier and POW who Carrie believes was turned into a sleeper agent by the Taliban during his captivity. Unfortunately, after the electro-shocks, these memories were lost and we begin this season six months later. Brody is now a Congressman and is on a short-list for the next Vice-Presidential candidate. He is on the track that terrorist Abu Nazir wanted and now Nazir is asking him to steal classified CIA information that would risk US national security. Brody is torn but continues to show his loyalty to Nazir.

Meanwhile, Carrie is now teaching English to Arabic speakers and tending to her garden. She is watched by her father and sister who try to keep her from anything that could trigger a bipolar episode. Meanwhile, Saul (Mandy Patinkin) is working in Beirut and requires Carrie’s help getting critical information from an asset named Fatima. Carrie’s former CIA boss comes to ask her help since the asset won’t speak to anyone but her. This scene is very emotional since Carrie was fired by this man and he was not sensitive to her problems or grateful for all her past work. Carrie agrees to go to Beirut but at the end of the episode we see her being chased and unable to meet with Saul or Fatima. During the chase, Carrie smiles in a way that shows her manic side may resurface and start another riveting season.

There is of course so much more in this episode, with insights into Brody’s family, and the discussion of Israel bombing Iran’s nuclear sites. However, the thing that makes this show so compelling to watch is how well Danes and Lewis play their very complex characters. The audience doesn’t know how to feel about them even in their worst moments because there is always a layer of humanity that is relatable. How do you feel about these characters?

Article first published as Homeland Season Premiere! on Blogcritics.

 

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