Terrible Tweens

Posted on December 5, 2013 by Reena

tweens, growing pains, tween behavior, tween boy parentingWe’ve all heard about the tantrums of toddlers that can drive parents crazy, but did you know that the tween years can be equally exasperating?  Well, I was not prepared for this.  I had been warned about the toddler tantrums or the teen defiance but had not heard much about this pre-teen age.

My older son just turned 11 and it has been quite challenging.  He’s still a great kid with good social skills, intelligent and kind.  However, lately he is much more moody and is constantly instigating trouble with his younger brother.  Everything is an argument and there is a lot of “But why can’t I?” going on.  He rolls his eyes at things I say and seems more cranky.  He also acts like a tough guy with his brother and threatens to hit him.  Luckily nothing horrible has happened but it is all quite frustrating.

My initial reaction to a lot of his behavior is to punish him for the talking back or fighting with his brother but all the yelling and grounding might not be effective.  I certainly haven’t seen a remarkable change.  I think I need to continue to expect respect and good behavior but maybe temper my expectations too.  At this age kids are growing and changing and starting puberty so it makes sense that the hormones might be raging.  They are navigating tricky social waters and learning to be more independent.  As a parent, I need to be understanding to the difficulty this entails even though I may not appreciate his attitude at times.

I’ve realized that it is more important that I keep the lines of communication open with him so that he can come to me with anything that bothers him.  Having a strained relationship won’t help this.  I need to lay down the law as far as the more critical things like respect, grades, and no violence but maybe I can decide to not sweat the small stuff.  I think I need to learn to calm down and not get so infuriated by his defiance and maybe he will calm down faster from his tween-trum (tween tantrum).  I still think it is important that he lose fun and privileges for excessive bad behavior since I don’t want to raise a brat.  However, I also don’t want him seeing me as a mean dictator.  I want him to know I love him no matter what (even if there is some tough love) and I am his biggest fan.  I want to try to set some time for Mommy dates when he and I can hang out together without his brother around so he gets a chance to open up to me in a happy setting.  I encourage my husband to do the same with each of the boys because I think it’s a different dynamic when we are with both kids.

Well, this is my plan and I’ve only just begun but I think it will be much easier by the time my younger child is in this phase.  At least I hope so!  During each of these phases of their childhood, I need to keep in mind that it all goes so fast and we are left remembering all the good stuff.  They are wonderful children and these are just growing pains for all of us but we’re still blessed for the experience.  So enjoy the time!

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Grateful for Honest People

Posted on November 21, 2013 by Reena

Good people, honesty, honest peopleWe always hear about all the crime and the bad people in the world but today I was reminded that the majority are actually good and honest people.  I was shopping and carry so many bags that after eating my lunch, I left my purse at the restaurant.  My arms were full so I didn’t even notice that it was missing until I got to my car.  Then panic set in!  I was already rushing to get home for my kid’s early dismissal.  Now I was freaking out and realizing I don’t even have my phone to let anyone know to get my kids.

I ran back into the mall and thought to first track down my friend who I had just met up with.  I thought that way if my purse was stolen and I had no phone, at least she could help me get home or call for help.  However, I wanted to get to the restaurant as fast as possible to increase my chances of finding my purse.  So, I ran through the mall like a mad woman, yelling for my friend until she stopped and then rushing to the restaurant.  When I got there, the purse was not in the booth!  Then a server asked me what I was looking for and what color it was.  He returned my purse to me and both my phone and wallet were in it.  I thanked him and thanked God!  I was so impressed at the goodness of people and that my negligence wasn’t compounded by someone’s greed or dishonesty.

So, even though I triggered an asthma attack with all that running and barely made it home before my boys, it was a great day.  It revived my faith in the goodness of the general population.  I guess the good people of the world keep it going strong despite the few bad apples.  Oh, and a special thanks to the honest and helpful folks at Qdoba in Princeton Marketfair today!

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Time-out for Mommy

Posted on November 15, 2013 by Reena

time out mom, mommy break, vacation, happy familyI recently returned from a trip abroad without my family and realized that, as much as I missed them, it was quite rejuvenating.  I am a stay-at-home mom and love my time with the kids but I think it is healthy to get away sometimes for a break.  It gives you a break and a chance to miss and appreciate each other.  It also opens your eyes to new things and keeps you fresh and happy. Anything in life can become monotonous without a change and then you may not enjoy doing it.

Though I completely enjoy being a mom and homemaker, the trip gave me the chance to do something different.  My husband does a lot of traveling for work and even though I don’t mind, sometimes I wish I could see new places too.  Experiencing new cultures and learning about history is valuable and broadens your outlook.  I came home with all sorts of things to tell my kids about and fun pictures to explain.

The other benefit was that we all had fun but really missed each other.  Though I was very busy visiting people and new places, when there was a moment to rest, I was thinking about my husband and kids.  We facetimed each day to keep in touch but it still wasn’t enough.  They got to watch movies, bond with Dad and play video games so they enjoyed themselves.  I was able to catch up with friends and relatives and see amazing sights so I was thrilled.  However I was very happy to hear my son, if only one of them, admit that he missed me a lot.  By the end of my trip, I could not wait to get back home.  I was smiling inside during my entire flight back (even during the awful turbulence).  I just wanted to smother my kids with hugs and my hubby too!  Some time away for a happy reason can help you appreciate everything you have and love what you do.  This little time-out was just what the doctor ordered for this Mommy.  Maybe you should try it too!

 

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Forties and Fit

Posted on October 30, 2013 by Reena

forties, healthy aging, fit at fortyIn our twenties and even thirties, many of us had a lax attitude about our health and well-being.  Many of us were lucky to be healthy and thin and had a sense of immortality and felt we would look and feel good forever.  Well things can change very quickly as childbirth, stress, and wear and tear can take a toll on our bodies and minds.  However, as I look around me, I see many of my forty-something friends looking and feeling better than ever.

Many of my friends, whether motivated by health concerns or a mid-life crisis, are taking control of their health and physique.  So many of them are telling me about feeling stronger than ever.  Even people who were never athletic are suddenly training and running races or marathons.  I find this very inspiring!  I have also been attempting to keep ahead of my health issues by exercising and eating better.  I can’t say I look or feel so great but that is due to some physical challenges.  I do know that I would feel a lot worse if I didn’t take measures to be more active and modify my diet.  I think maybe it isn’t until we hit forty that we realize our mortality.  I’m not trying to be morbid, I just mean that we are suddenly plagued with more fatigue, aches, or a couple of wrinkles that we never had before.  I think it is all of this that makes us shift into a different gear to make sure we age as best we can.  We see that some of these changes can be managed and we see that if we want to run around with our kids we have to work at it.

I think it is wonderful that despite slowing metabolism and then onset of some health issues, many of the forty-somethings are revamping their diet and lifestyle in order to look and feel great.  It inspires me to do the same and make sure that I am strong and flexible enough to keep up with my boys for many years.  I’m not looking to run any marathons but if I can maintain more energy and take less meds, then I think less junk food and more gym time is worth it to be in my forties and fit and fabulous!!!

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Food with Friends and Family

Posted on October 21, 2013 by Reena

foodtimeI’ve always loved good food as a way to connect with people and celebrate.  I know that these days that would be called ’emotional eating’ and would be discouraged but I still think it can be a good thing if you generally pick healthy foods.  Now that my kids are older and are eating more varied types of foods, I find food to be a fun way to connect with them too.  They have their individual tastes and love to ask for their favorite meals.  It’s fun to see their faces light up when it’s their turn to pick what’s for dinner.  Ever since we started watching Masterchef together, my older son even wants to help me cook (at least until a friend comes calling for him to play).  This makes mealtime an even bigger way to connect with my family.

I try to pick healthy foods and steer the kids toward balanced meal choices.  We do, however, like to enjoy the occasional treats like homemade cookies or brownies.  These desserts can definitely take ‘comfort food’ to a whole new level.  I try to save this kind of cooking for a special time like a family movie/game night.  I feel that if we have these guilty pleasures for a special reason then we enjoy them more and don’t expect to eat them all the time.  I want the kids to enjoy it as an experience.  My mom, the dietitian, always tells the boys to eat slowly and savor each bite so that the pleasure of eating them makes the bad calories worth it.  She says then it registers more with our senses and mind and then we are less likely to stuff our faces with bad things.  Okay, so maybe I paraphrased her lecture.

My point is that I think food is a great way to bring friends and family together.  It can make us happy and can link joyous memories with eating certain foods.  I don’t think this type of emotional eating or social eating is so bad.  I will never just ‘eat to live’ because I enjoy different flavors and foods.  I think eating good food is an experience of life and it’s great to enjoy that experience with loved ones.  Passing that on to my kids and teaching them to cook in the process is just an added benefit!  So take some time to eat something yummy with your family and enjoy the time to bond…

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The New Fall TV Shows

Posted on October 9, 2013 by Reena

tv shows, new tv, fall lineup, televisionWith great television shows like Dexter and Breaking Bad ending forever, I was looking to the fall line-up to step up with some great new fiction.  I tried to check out, at least once, most of the new shows that looked interesting.  I’m more into dramas than sit-coms but I had to check out the new comedies starring Michael J. Fox and Robin Williams.  They are both great comedians and actors so I had high expectations.  After one episode of The Michael J. Fox Show, I decided I was no longer interested.  I still adore M.J.F. and did find him amusing but the show was rather dull and I had to refrain from shutting it off in the middle.  Maybe it will improve but it is never going to be as funny as Modern Family.  As for The Crazy Ones, starring Robin Williams, I have watched both episodes so far.  Robin is hilarious as always and constantly cracking jokes.  I can’t say the rest of the cast, including Sarah Michelle Gellar are as interesting.  Hopefully given time, the characters will develop and the story lines as well.  For now, I’m watching it as a Robin Williams stand-up act and also because the setting is an advertising agency and my husband works in that industry.

Now for my true love, the dramas! Dun dun duuun!  There are many new shows that looked interesting and right up my alley….crime shows, spy shows, and fantasy of course.  I’ll start with The Blacklist which is the one I am most interested in so far.  It is about spies and secrets and James Spader plays a wanted man who is suddenly willing to work with a particular FBI agent to help capture international criminals.  He is such a good actor and his dialogue delivery is always amazing.  His chemistry with the FBI agent works well too so I think this show has hope even though it is not a unique concept.  Another show with a good cast of actors and an intense story is Hostages.  I’ve been watching it so far on DVR but I’m not sure this one can sustain its intensity.  It’s about a surgeon whose family is held hostage so that she will kill the President while operating on him.  The characters are all strong but it just doesn’t seem like enough material to drag out for a whole season.  For now it is interesting though.

As for the fantasy shows, one that I think has hope is The Originals, which is the spin-off of Vampire Diaries.  It is based in New Orleans and is about the original vampires and a coven of witches.  We got a taste of it during the last season of Vampire Diaries and it seems interesting so far.  In true CW style, it is full of attractive people as well.  The other show that I had really been looking forward to is Marvel Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D which is based on the Avengers but without the superheroes.  It has Agent Coulson and a team of interesting spies and tech wizards.  Both episodes so far were fun and adventurous but something seems to be lacking here as well.  It just doesn’t have me dying to watch the next episode like with Arrow.  Maybe it needs more of an underlying story that keeps us hooked and not just single-episode stories.  Since I was excited about this one and since I can sometimes watch it with my boys, I’ll give this one some more time too.  Then there is the FOX show Sleepy Hollow.  This one is interesting and mysterious and the main actor is quite charismatic.  My only issue with this show is that it has too much horror and gore.  I generally am not squeamish, being that I like crime shows and vampires, but this one adds an element of creepiness that just might keep me from watching for long.

That’s my take on the new fall shows.  I haven’t sampled them all but at least a few of each genre.  I’m not sure if you all have checked these out or any others, but I’d love your opinions.  I’m always happy to chat with others who share my love of good television!

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Doctor Mom

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Reena

docmomHave you ever, as a parent, just sensed that something was off with your child’s health even when no one else could tell?  Moms (and many Dads of course- but I’m writing from my perspective) are often more in tune to their child’s behavior and feelings than even a doctor.  Every child reacts differently to illness and parents need to advocate for their child’s care.  Some people may call you paranoid but it can be dangerous to ignore your gut feeling.

Recently, my older son scraped his knee.  This is something very common and I usually don’t worry but this time the cut started to heal oddly.  He was getting strange bumps and boils around it which we first attributed to bug bites since he plays outside a lot.  After a few more days of observing I started to get concerned.  During this time he was also behaving strangely for him.  I found him sitting with a blanket while watching TV when he is always hot.  No one else would have thought anything since he was still energetic and chatty but I know that he often seems like the energizer bunny even if he’s sick.  I checked and he had a low-grade fever but it passed.  He was back to ‘normal’ but I felt uneasy about him and started worrying that maybe the strange scrape and bumps could be something worse.  I took him to the doctor and found out he had MRSA which is a serious staph infection that is resistant to many antibiotics and can be very dangerous if not treated.  MRSA used to be very rare except in hospitals but sadly it is becoming more common in communities as well.  It often takes switching many antibiotics before it is cured.

Between the date of this injury and the visit to the doctor, my son got about 3 more scrapes.  He’s an active and fearless boy and there isn’t much I can do besides putting him in bubble wrap.  Despite these boo-boos being pretty harmless and routine around here, I had to use my super-Mommy senses to realize when one of those cuts was no longer harmless.  I’m really glad I played Doctor Mom and started researching Staph infections and bug bites to try to figure out what might be going on.  I know we can get carried away with Web MD and googling health issues but sometimes it is important to be informed and to at least know when to go to a doctor.

We have had other similar issues in our home where there were no fevers and typical symptoms of an illness but my kids were acting crazier than usual and I know something was off.  Almost every time I was right even though an outsider would never believe my child was unhealthy.  Everyone is different and it is important to know how your child reacts when they are not well.  I’m not saying be paranoid but not everything is harmless, so be alert!

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Back to School Blues

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Reena

Back to school blues, homework starts, summer is overToday my kids, like many others, went back to school after summer break.  It was a morning of mixed feelings. They were excited about seeing their friends again along with the curiosity about what adventures the new class would hold.  Yet there was also a bit of sadness to let go of the fun and freedom of summer vacation.  Now the trips are on hold, the pool is closed, bedtime is earlier and television is limited.  Suddenly they have to remember that homework is more important than playing with friends,  Focus takes precedence over fun.  I think this will take a little while to register and I’m sure they will fight me on it.  I’m glad they fully enjoyed their summer.  Though I wanted them to do a little work and have some routine, I tried to give them the freedom to be kids and enjoy this precious time.  After all, the stress and responsibilities only grow as they will grow.

Though, the back to school blues don’t only apply to my kids, they also apply to me as a mom.  I can’t deny that I am happy to have a bit of quiet time to myself.  I’m also happy to be able to get all my errands done without dragging two unhappy and fighting boys behind me.  Now I can even get to my own doctors since taking care of my health took a backseat recently to making sure I took the kids to all their doctors and tests while they were home.  Despite all these benefits of sending the kids back to school, there is an emptiness I feel.  I got used to all their noise, smiling faces, hugs and even their fighting.  I loved that I was able to partake in their learning, fun and watching them grow. Not all parents get as much time with their kids as I have so I know I’m blessed.  It is often frustrating and exhausting but when I’m calm I see how wonderful it is.  These years are passing so quickly and they are growing and changing.  They are becoming more independent but still love having Mom around and I love that feeling.  I know that as they get older they won’t love me less but they may want me around less so I’m enjoying it while I can!

So back to early bedtimes, lots of studying, rushing around and soccer filled weekends,  Summer, we will miss you and your warm weather and casual fun.  But, I think we will enjoy the newness and excitement of fall and the new school year.  Now it’s time for the bus and to hear all the great stories of the first day of school…can’t wait!

 

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Connecting with Nature and the Family

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Reena

lake winnipesaukee, New Hampshire, Travel, Family trips, Family Vacations, HikingThis past weekend we went on a short family vacation to New Hampshire.  We weren’t sure how we would like the trip since we are typically used to beach resorts or sightseeing trips.  However, we were happy we chose to go.  We picked it because it is a place we hadn’t been and it was somewhere we could drive to but it ended up being so much more.

Our first destination was the Castle in the Clouds which was north of Lake Winnipesaukee, NH.  It is a huge estate with a mansion that was built by the businessman, Thomas Plant.  The mansion is impressive with its architecture and incredible views of the Lake and the Ossipee Mountains.  We were surprised at the cutting edge technology in the house as well, with its intercom, central vacuum, self-cleaning oven, etc.  My boys enjoyed the tour of the mansion since they made it kid-friendly with a scavenger hunt that resulted in a small prize at the end.  We also enjoyed exploring the hiking trails and the waterfalls.  My husband was thrilled at the chance to take some great photos.  We also visited the barn and saw many beautiful horses.  The boys even got a chance to go horseback riding and now want to do it often.

We all realized that even though we may not be the overly outdoorsy types since we like our luxuries and amenities, we still really do enjoy nature.  The boys felt free and adventurous and we could not stop admiring the views.  The next day we went to the other side of the lake and went to a moderate level hiking trail.  It was fun and serene and good exercise too.  We felt very accomplished at the end of it!  We even had a fun time just relaxing and feeding giant trout and ducks at a nearby pond or taking a boat ride to admire the lake.  It was just about simple pleasures.  There was no technology or other entertainment besides nature yet we found it quite entertaining.  It was nice for our family to disconnect from the world and reconnect with each other and our surroundings.  From now on I will be happy to go on these ‘nature trips’ and maybe even build my stamina for more challenging hikes and to keep up with my kids!

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Camp Mommy is Tiring!

Posted on July 16, 2013 by Reena

Mommy camp, summer fun, tired mom, camp momThis summer like many others, the kids are primarily home with me.  I enrolled them in some half day camps so they can learn cool new things but being a stay-at-home mom, I get to entertain them the rest of the time.  This has become an especially tiring task this year!  I think it has to do with their age since they are 10 and 8 and love to fight with each other every chance they get.  I think another reason is that they are blessed with many friends so we are constantly having play dates either at home, the pool, or other fun places.  All this leads to highly stimulated kids who don’t know how to just sit quietly for any amount of time and a crazed mommy who gets no downtime!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining…just venting a bit.  I know that they are growing up so fast and these summers we have together build wonderful memories that will stay with us forever.  Watching them play, create, swim, bowl, study, and even goof around is not so bad.  However, it can get tiring (like anything else you do without a break).  They also seem to want to have ‘Fun’ all the time and I don’t know if that is healthy.  I love that they have friends around and access to a pool and playground but maybe they should learn that life is not a party 24/7.  I’m sure their minds and bodies need some rest and quiet time besides sleep at night.  Even their bedtime has gotten later because they know there isn’t school in the morning and they have trouble winding down from the excitement.  This also takes away from mommy’s quiet, private time!

We’re working on incorporating some reading and studying time but I am still trying to figure out how to get them to accept some doing nothing time.  That seems the hardest.  I understand that no one wants to be bored but I feel like it is much more traumatizing for their generation than ours.  We would at least sit in a daze during long car rides but these guys need a book or game or iPod to help them survive the ride.  We give in to avoid the fighting after a while but I do think that nothing time allows for thinking and creativity and even just calming the mind.  I hope our kids don’t grow up overly wound up!  Well, I’m working on molding them to perfection but who the heck even knows what that is so it makes it kind of hard.  Wish me luck and hope I survive the summer being their event planner, teacher, cook, referee, nurse and of course MOM!

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