The Avengers– Yaay!

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Reena

This weekend the boys and I ended up watching the new Avengers movie twice and it did not disappoint.  We had promised their dad that we would wait for him to return from a business trip and watch it on Sunday.  But then my brother, who had come to visit before he moves out of state, asked if we would go with him on Saturday if he treated.  We all quickly agreed.  After all, we didn’t have to feel guilty about spending the money and we could enjoy it with their uncle and then their dad.

Saturday we went to an early showing and saw it in 3D.  It was great!  My boys and I are big fans of superhero movies anyway but this one was very well done.  I was excited to watch the characters and the action but I was a little concerned that it could be a mess as far as story line, etc.  I mean too many main characters could create chaos if not put together well.  However, Joss Whedon tied it all together very seamlessly.  Each of the characters got to shine and their banter with each other was hilarious.  I was impressed.

On Sunday, we went with my husband and he wanted to see it in IMAX.  We agreed and got our tickets.  We then proceeded to the back of the longest line I’ve ever seen in a theater.  It took half an hour to get seated but then the hassle was over.  It was just as entertaining as the previous day but bigger and bolder on the IMAX screen.  We loved it all over again and my husband thought it was awesome too.

I’m not surprised it is breaking record sales and I’m sure the excitement will last a while.  Disney will have quite a win with this one since my kids insisted on wearing their Marvel superhero t-shirts to school today.   They will be able to sell a lot of superhero merchandise to the likes of us.  I loved that I could enjoy, with my boys, the superheroes I watched as a kid.  It had a circle of life kind of symbolism.  I may not be a big sports or video game fan but the one thing I can definitely bond with my boys on is superheroes.  Thanks Avengers!

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True Friends

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Reena

Recently I blogged about true closeness in a relationship not being hindered by distance, but what brings people to that point where you can feel so close?  Well, after I wrote I had two unplanned visits with true friends and I noticed some common threads.  I felt a sense of casual happiness when we met.  Also, they involved no fuss or planning but we still had a nice time.

Yesterday my friend (let’s call her ‘A’) called and said she was in the area and would stop by.  I warned her that the boys and I were quite wrapped up in homework but would be happy to see her.  She came by, we chatted and relaxed, and she did her best not to distract the kids.  After a bit, she offered to pick up dinner so we could all eat together and I agreed.  I continued to help the kids with their school projects and then we all ate.  After I put the kids to bed we spent some quality time catching up on the good, the bad and the ugly.  It was refreshing and we both felt good inside.  Our problems seemed less overwhelming after we vented to someone who cared for us.

Today I visited another friend (‘B’) who I hadn’t seen in many months.  This too was a last-minute plan and it was also very casual.  I got to her place when she had a lot going on.  The scenario was all too familiar to me as a stay-at-home mom.  So, I started playing with her daughter and folding some towels while ‘B’ handled the kitchen and the service people at the door.  Within a half hour everything seemed calmer and more organized so we had lunch and chatted.  Again, just speaking to a friend with whom there were no judgments or pretenses made us feel more at ease with life.  We could share opinions and advice  knowing that they were given with only the best intentions.  We could even discuss our families knowing that it was confidential.

Having these recent interactions made me realize that true friends are those that make you feel relaxed and happy.  They are people who accept you for who you are and are not competitive with you.  They are happy for your achievements and give you support when you are in a crisis.  They are people who can come over on a moment’s notice and make their own sandwich if they are hungry.  They understand when you’re in a crappy mood and give you time and space.  They also know when you don’t really need space and give you a hug.  They forgive you when you’re neurotic or irrational and you can laugh about it later.  Basically it is love with allowances for human flaws.  Having true friends makes the happy times better and the sad times more tolerable.  I hope my kids develop enough of these true friendships in their lives.  This will make me feel more secure when we reach the point where they no longer share all their feelings with Mom.  At least I’ll know they have loving support from true friends!!

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Close…though not Close-by

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Reena

I have recently been spending time with relatives/friends who I only see every few years, yet the love does not seem diminished.  I have come to believe that once certain relationships achieve a connection, they can withstand time and distances.  However, there may be people in your life that you see more regularly who you don’t feel as close to.

I have a friend who moved to the US after marriage and now has 7 & 10-year-old boys who were born here.  She and her husband often discuss whether they should move back to India since they have all their extended family there.  She told me she is happy with her life here and the kids don’t want to move but she fears that the kids won’t be close to their relatives given their infrequent visits.  Many other friends of their’s were moving back to India since the job opportunities weren’t very different yet people chose to go where they had more friends and family.

I told my friend that I also grew up here with only my immediate family and only saw grandparents or other relatives every few years.  However, I am still very close to my cousins who are all over the world now.  Even if we don’t speak regularly, we keep in touch through emails or Facebook and when we meet up it is as if no time has passed.  We don’t waste time complaining about who doesn’t call enough since we all realize that our daily lives can be hectic.  Instead we just catch up and enjoy the genuine caring.  My friend was reassured that her kids could stay connected to their family as well.

I feel this way with so many friends as well.  There are many friends who still feel like your best friends even if you don’t see each other for months or sometimes years.  Some bonds cannot be broken easily I guess.  I am very thankful for this fact since I do get caught up in the daily routine and don’t make enough time to call friends.  I’m glad they don’t hold a grudge and still appreciate that they are in my heart and in my thoughts.  We just accept and enjoy each other for who we are.  This is what I consider a true friendship.  I hope my kids build relationships like these in their lives too.

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Should Money Determine Worth??

Posted on April 23, 2012 by Reena

visualraidLately it’s been bothering me that our society, or maybe it’s just certain privileged communities, are judging people’s worth and accomplishments by how much money they earn.  Most of these salaries are arbitrary and aren’t really a good gauge of someone’s value in society.  And with these salaries come attitudes of entitlement and looking down on those who make less.  It doesn’t seem fair.

I mean a firefighter or policeman who risks his life to save the rich and poor doesn’t make as much as an investment banker.  Yet which person is more critical to basic society?  A teacher or professor doesn’t earn as much as a sales person in a big company but yet these educators are likely more qualified and intelligent and build us up to be the professionals we become.  However, we in this country don’t often give these educators the respect they deserve.  People often think they chose an easier career because they couldn’t do something better with their life.  I think a lot of this reason is because this career of teaching doesn’t earn as much money as some and many in society think that you must be dumb if you didn’t choose to make as much money as you could.  They look down on the people that choose paths with less material return.  I think that is sad.

Even between two medical professionals where one doctor became a local surgeon and the other chose to go work at remote clinics in a Doctors without Borders capacity, society would judge.  They would be impressed with the charitable doctor for a little while but when he doesn’t have the big house and belong to the same country club they would not socialize with him long term.  The surgeon, having “kept up with the Jones’ ” would be more impressive while the other would become like a story you enjoyed, discussed and forgot about.

Just because some people choose less monetarily rewarding paths, based on interest or circumstances, they shouldn’t be seen as less successful.  The fact that most scientists, astronauts or explorers are paid less than most famous athletes and entertainers seems unbalanced.  I know many jobs are very rewarding and satisfying in so many other ways so that keeps people in them but they shouldn’t be looked down upon by society.

As a former working woman and now a stay-at-home mom, I have heard people refer to those like me having wasted an education.  This obviously shows this attitude that you’re only valuable and successful if you’re making money.  Whereas I see my education and experience as being utilized in raising my kids and doing other volunteer projects in society.  I’ve had my peers quickly forget that we were once on similar career paths and I chose to take a different route.  Instead there is now a bit of condescension, as if my intelligence got compromised once I quit my job.  Many see my work as something a less educated nanny could do.   Well, even if that were the case, why should a nanny get less status in society than an executive?  Is their job not valuable?

I think that everyone chooses paths that are right for them and the rest is compounded by luck and circumstances.  However, if you choose not to or are unable to run into burning buildings, fight crime to save your loved ones, etc. then you should at least give the due credit to those who do choose those careers.  These heroes are not necessarily less intelligent or skilled than a rich person, just different.  Everyone shouldn’t be expected to have a cookie-cutter lifestyle with all the same luxuries.  As long as one is not cheating, stealing, or hurting anyone, and they provide a constructive service to society then I think they deserve respect.  Those who are dedicated to noble causes for little material gain should command even more respect.  This is my thought of the day!!

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Transit Troubles

Posted on April 18, 2012 by Reena

“All trains cancelled due to Amtrak signal problems.” “Flight delays.”  Notices like this are becoming way too common. In an age where we are worried about conserving fuel and want to encourage mass transit, why is it that all our mass transit has so many issues?  The cost of travel seems to have sky-rocketed but where is that money going?  It doesn’t seem like they are doing enough to maintain and upgrade.

How is it that the pace of our other technological advancements so far exceeds any advancements in making mass transit more efficient?  We have come such a long way from 20 years ago in methods of communication and computers.  Everything seems faster, smaller and in 3D now but are there just less people interested in or motivated to work on faster and more reliable transportation?  I have heard of cool concept cars being created but what about air travel and high speed trains.  These things have not improved since I was a child.  They have actually gotten worse since we pay more and gave up on the service aspect.  

I watch the show “Pan Am” and see how pampering it was to fly on a commercial flight.  Even when I was young we at least got a meal and a smile.  I understand that somehow the airlines are not making money so they are cutting out the food and charging for bags but shouldn’t someone out there be figuring out how to make flying more affordable?  It seems more people are motivated to invent Apps about killing pigs or drawing pictures than using their creative minds to help the transit industry.  It also seems that our government is really not focused on this problem either.  I hear of nice, clean, high speed trains in other countries so I guess someone out there thinks this is important.  Why not us?  I mean if we can’t get to work reliably then doesn’t that reduce productivity and hurt our economy?  I don’t think it is fair that we should all have to wait for delayed trains and then stand for an hour since there are not enough seats.  This certainly can’t be the way to cultivate the best workers.  Frustration and fatigue on a daily basis because of a commute and then doing the work of 2 employees in this economy can’t be healthy….don’t you agree??  

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To Infinity and Beyond…

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Reena

During this spring break, we took our kids to Florida and they visited Kennedy Space Center for the first time.  As much as they enjoyed the thrilling rides of the Orlando amusement parks, I was glad to see them marvel at the rockets and the space program.  I had been to NASA when I was about 10 years old and now I was returning with my 7 and 9 year old boys.  I was amazed all over again at the science, technology, bravery and sacrifice that has gone into developing our space program.  I was excited to show my kids what these people accomplished with their minds and dedication and luckily my kids seemed in awe as well.

I wanted my boys to get excited about the real adventures that these astronauts went on in the name of science and show them the difference between that and what they currently consider adventures– roller coasters!  I wanted to use this as a teaching point to show them that real bravery can do a lot of good.  My older son is quite fearless and that sometimes scares us.  He is very keen to go on crazy roller coasters, water skiing, and anything else adventurous.  We often worry that this spirit of adventure could lead him to trouble and dangerous situations.  However, watching the astronauts train and go on their missions reminded me that the adventurous spirit is necessary at times.  It just has to be coupled with positive goals and intentions.

We also watched an IMAX movie about the Hubble telescope and I was blown away.  I can’t even grasp how the technology behind it works but I’m glad for the geniuses that developed it and the amazing pictures we can now see.  It has helped our astronomers learn so much about our universe, its creation and potential threats.  Who would think one could see pictures of objects that are billions of light years away.

It is fascinating to see all the inventions and research that has come out of our space program and see the impact on other aspects of our life.  Their research has led to advancements in bio-medical devices, computer technology, air travel and medicine.  I know we have seen our last shuttle launch but I hope that all this research and advancements continue.  They are amazing to see and critical to our future.  I’m really glad I was able to expose my kids to the possibilities of infinity and beyond….

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Disability Services at Universities

Posted on March 29, 2012 by Reena

Recently, I spent a week working at a University in an office for Disability Services.  It was quite enlightening because I never knew much about such departments or that these services existed.  One reason is that I am blessed not to have need for these and the other is that it has been many years since I went to college so things may have evolved over time.  It was great to see that there is now enough awareness of different needs of people/students that must be addressed in educational settings.

My ignorance on this subject had me thinking that this office probably just deals with students that are physically handicapped, visually or hearing impaired, etc.  To my surprise, they dealt with far more than that.  Of course there were people in wheelchairs coming by but there were also many students requesting help that seemed completely ‘normal’.  The Disability Services also provides help to people with learning disabilities, ADHD, depression and anxiety disorders.  I did not think about the fact that people with these issues may have trouble succeeding in school without some help.  This department works with Professors and Administrators to provide some of these students with ‘accommodations’ to assist them.  These accommodations could be in the form of extra time on an exam for someone with an attention disorder, or giving an oral exam to someone with dyslexia or a visual handicap.  They help make sure that there are housing accommodations to help those with a physical disability so that they can get around easily.

I was really impressed that these services exist to help people with different issues prove their intelligence.  I guess if someone has an anxiety attack whenever there is an exam then they would probably fail even if they have a genius IQ.  With some help and accommodations, this student could do well, further their education, get a good job and give back to society.  It does seem to make sense but I guess in the past people thought that unless you are blind or deaf, the rest of these issues don’t deserve assistance.  People were of the attitude that you should ‘just deal or get over it’.  It seemed unfair that they would get any extra attention.  Now finally there is more knowledge and awareness that some of these learning disabilities or emotional problems are real health problems that need care and attention too.  So I was enlightened this week and pleased to see the progress in our society and educational institutions!

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Smarter, Faster…but Going Nowhere???

Posted on March 21, 2012 by Reena

We are in quite an age of information and technology and this is molding our lifestyles as well as the focus of our future generations.  Yet is it always for the best?  We have smart phones, smart cars, and all kinds of gadgets to help us be efficient so we don’t have to waste time on things like finding people, parallel parking, searching for information or directions.  Now we have technology that can do those things for us on command.  This saves us time and allows us to multitask but what are we doing with this extra time?  Are we just rushing to keep up with our other gadgets or updating our hundreds of friends on our interesting activities?

It appears, and some studies have even shown, that we and more-so the generation of Millennials are actually doing and creating less than generations did before this age of technology and social networking.   People are very focused on success through networking rather than accomplishments.  An expert from the Harvard Innovation Labs commented that people are less interested in Mastery than in Serial Dabbling.  They rush to be productive without understanding the purpose for the tasks at hand.  It also seems that these days it is all about “who you know” than “what you know”.  We’ve all gotten caught up in this popularity contest lifestyle and the immediate gratification of social networking.  However, how will this affect us in the long run?

If we are all using our extra time for multitasking to just absorb lots of information and pass it around to everyone we know then when do we make time for innovation and creating new information?  The past successes of our nation were based on our creativity, new ideas, and encouraging out of the box thinking.  Is this change part of why the U.S. is now struggling in the new global economy?  If everyone is more worried about getting their talents recognized rather than developing them then we will have fewer experts and masters to lead our future generations.  I hope we can find a balance.  In my opinion, this will begin with how we raise and educate our children.  They will not be as fascinated with the newness of social media and technology as they will have been raised with it.  So hopefully they can incorporate it into their lives without being engulfed by it.  We need to foster their creativity, give them down time, and teach them the importance of Mastery.  “Children have to be educated, but they also have to be left to educate themselves”, Ernest Dimnet.

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‘Once Upon a Time’…my kids had nightmares

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Reena

Our family has been a big fan of the show ‘Once Upon a Time’ (OUAT) since it started in the fall.  It was so creative and well done.  The basic story for those that don’t follow it is….The evil queen puts a spell on everyone in the fairy tale world which sends them all to our real world but none of them have any memory of their other life.  The evil queen does retain her memory and becomes the mayor of the town (Storybrooke, Maine) all these people end up in.  The main story line revolves around Snow White and her daughter who comes to visit this town at the invitation of the son she gave up for adoption.  This little boy, Henry, is now the adopted child of the mayor but senses the truth about the people in Storybrooke.  Each episode brings in characters from other fairy tales like Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Riding Hood, etc.  This keeps each week fresh and interesting and shows a nice blend of both worlds.

My sons were very interested in watching this when it first started.  It is on Sundays 8-9pm so we would let them go to bed a little later so we could all watch it as a family.  They are 7 and 9 years old and have watched all kinds of action movies so the show didn’t seem age-inappropriate.  After all, they know all the fairy tale stories that the episodes are based upon.  Here and there if there was a creepy-looking character, like Rumplestiltskin, we would have them cover their eyes.  It was all going fine, this family event on Sundays, until recently.  Last night, my younger son came into my room saying he had a nightmare.  It was the middle of the night and he seemed truly frightened.  He told me that he had a nightmare that he and Shaan were in the Hansel and Gretel episode of ‘OUAT’ and the bad lady ate Shaan.  He doesn’t normally have nightmares so he seemed traumatized.  I guess at least it shows his loving concern for his brother despite their constant fighting during waking hours.  He wouldn’t want him eaten by a witch, at least!

Then in the morning Shaan heard about the nightmare and told us that he once had a nightmare about the Big Bad Wolf after watching the Red Riding Hood episode.  That was it.  Our little harmless family event that we all looked forward to required reevaluation.  We decided that maybe they could no longer watch this show.  It seems that even though they don’t seem scared while watching it, it is freaking them out subconsciously.  I guess the scary witches, wolves, etc. from these stories seem more distant and comical when they read about them in books but in the show it all seems more real to them.  OUAT does not have any graphic violence or show much scary stuff but I guess sometimes fading away from the scenes and leaving your imagination to do the rest can be intense too.  So, Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?….apparently my kids are!  It turns out that these kids are less fazed by warring superheroes and battling autobots than they are by seemingly tame fairy tales.

These reactions really surprised me but now that I know I have to act accordingly and not let them watch.  I wish it was so easy to calm all their fears and take away all their nightmares.  The parental need to protect is strong but we don’t always know how.  At least this had a simple solution.  Now, if only I could ensure sweet dreams and anxiety-free lives for my kids forever.

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Music Calms the Savage Beast….and Much More!

Posted on March 9, 2012 by Reena

Today I went to my son, Shaan’s, 3rd grade Chimes Concert.  It was very well done and well coordinated and I enjoyed it even though I didn’t know what to expect from a chimes concert.  I was so proud of these 9 year olds who were working together in groups of 20ish to perform a range of songs from Gaelic melodies to Beethoven.  Their music teacher did an amazing job coordinating them on various types of chimes.  Watching these kids perform reminded me of how important music education is to our children’s mental and social growth.

The teacher reminded us of how much the kids practiced to make this beautiful music, the different techniques they mastered and how they were learning to read music.  We saw that they were each responsible for their own parts and had to keep track of when they came in and out of the song.  They also had a stand partner for whom they were an understudy in case that person was absent, so some had a double job.  All this showed me how learning music is such an important supplement to their academics.  It helps them learn patience and responsibility during the course of learning a piece.  Many studies show that children who learn music score better on standardized tests and perform better in academics.  They also say that the study of music helps kids in social growth by improving their confidence and also making them better listeners.  As they learn the relation between sound and emotion in music, they can distinguish people’s emotional states from their speech.

So basically, music is a wonderful thing and always has been.  Unfortunately with many public school budgets being cut, Music education is one of the first things to go.  It is seen as non-critical and something children can do without.  This is unfortunate since not all families have the time or money to give their kids private music lessons and not every child needs to learn a particular instrument.  I took flute for 4 months and realized that I had no musical talent so I moved on to dance for my self-expression.  However, I think learning the basics of music theory, history and music appreciation can only enrich a child’s life, culturally and academically.

I have each of my sons learning a musical instrument and they often fight me on practicing when they would rather play.  It becomes quite a battle of wills at times but they still don’t want to stop their lessons.  I see the joy in their faces when they finally master a tough song.  This comes after lots of excuses and whining but ultimately it’s worth it.  They may never be amazing musicians but they are getting better each day and listening to them play makes me happy too.  It’s amazing the feelings that good music can induce.  It really is something that transcends cultures and languages.  So, I definitely think it is worth giving our children a musical foundation and it is not an extra we can do without.

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