Recently I blogged about true closeness in a relationship not being hindered by distance, but what brings people to that point where you can feel so close? Well, after I wrote I had two unplanned visits with true friends and I noticed some common threads. I felt a sense of casual happiness when we met. Also, they involved no fuss or planning but we still had a nice time.
Yesterday my friend (let’s call her ‘A’) called and said she was in the area and would stop by. I warned her that the boys and I were quite wrapped up in homework but would be happy to see her. She came by, we chatted and relaxed, and she did her best not to distract the kids. After a bit, she offered to pick up dinner so we could all eat together and I agreed. I continued to help the kids with their school projects and then we all ate. After I put the kids to bed we spent some quality time catching up on the good, the bad and the ugly. It was refreshing and we both felt good inside. Our problems seemed less overwhelming after we vented to someone who cared for us.
Today I visited another friend (‘B’) who I hadn’t seen in many months. This too was a last-minute plan and it was also very casual. I got to her place when she had a lot going on. The scenario was all too familiar to me as a stay-at-home mom. So, I started playing with her daughter and folding some towels while ‘B’ handled the kitchen and the service people at the door. Within a half hour everything seemed calmer and more organized so we had lunch and chatted. Again, just speaking to a friend with whom there were no judgments or pretenses made us feel more at ease with life. We could share opinions and advice knowing that they were given with only the best intentions. We could even discuss our families knowing that it was confidential.
Having these recent interactions made me realize that true friends are those that make you feel relaxed and happy. They are people who accept you for who you are and are not competitive with you. They are happy for your achievements and give you support when you are in a crisis. They are people who can come over on a moment’s notice and make their own sandwich if they are hungry. They understand when you’re in a crappy mood and give you time and space. They also know when you don’t really need space and give you a hug. They forgive you when you’re neurotic or irrational and you can laugh about it later. Basically it is love with allowances for human flaws. Having true friends makes the happy times better and the sad times more tolerable. I hope my kids develop enough of these true friendships in their lives. This will make me feel more secure when we reach the point where they no longer share all their feelings with Mom. At least I’ll know they have loving support from true friends!!