Are the ‘best schools’ giving kids the best opportunities?

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

An ongoing debate with my friends has been about whether we should put our kids into the highest rated schools or is a decent school ok?  Being of Indian heritage and from an educated family, there was always an emphasis on doing well in school and getting good grades.  Now, we are the parents and have to push these values on our kids but how far should we go?  Blue Ribbon schools do force their students to work hard and usually offer good opportunities, but are there drawbacks?

My kids are still in lower elementary school and we love the school.  However, the higher schools in this district are considered average.  When we think of moving homes in the future, school districts are always a consideration.  Our neighboring town has one of the top schools but we’ve heard many parents tell us it is too competitive and is putting kids at a disadvantage.  They feel that the students are fighting for spots in top colleges with their own classmates.  This is a problem because colleges like diversity and won’t take too many kids from one school.  I’ve also heard that the students in these ‘top schools’ are overly stressed and are missing out on childhood and fun.

I actually went to this ‘great school’ when I was in high school and it was quite competitive then as well.  Now, though, there has been a huge influx of Asian immigrants who are pushing their home-country ideas of what their children should be learning and it has added a different dimension to the competition.  Most kids are taking various educational courses outside of school because it is no longer good enough to be at the top of your class.  Now one needs to be way ahead of class and must start learning multiplication/division at age 5 and read the Harry Potter series by age 6.  This is becoming the new norm but I wonder if the kids are missing out age appropriate things and developing a well-rounded personality because this rush.

I can’t deny that I’ve fallen prey to this competitive attitude and often push my kids to study what’s ahead of the school requirements but I wonder how much is too much.  Are we turning into Tiger moms and letting other important things fall to the wayside?  Is a school where the majority of students are obsessed with this rat race beneficial to our kids?  Or, is it better to be in a more mixed environment where the pace is more relaxed and those who overachieve can shine?  Maybe the question comes down to…Is it better to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond???

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Mommy’s not perfect anymore….

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

I don’t know at what age kids stop thinking their parents are perfect but I recently got a glimpse of it with my 9 year old.  Last week I was struggling to get my older son (9 years old) to practice playing his guitar.  This is never an easy endeavor since it is a bit challenging for him and he’s used to things coming easy.  On this particular day it was an even bigger struggle than usual because he was tired after homework and just wanted to play.  He got very agitated when I wouldn’t back down and started yelling and ranting.  ”You are sooo boring mom!  You don’t have any fun in you, not even a decimal point of fun!” This went on for a minute as he was in an emotional rage and I sat shocked and staring.  I was so caught off guard because even though we have argued in the past, he never criticized me so personally.  It was very hurtful.

I then realized that we may be hitting that point in his life where mom and dad don’t know everything and he wants more control.  I thought that kind of thing happened in the teenage years and really wasn’t prepared for this.  On top of everything, my husband was out of town for the week and I had to deal with this parenting hurdle alone.  So, I decided to stay calm and refused to back down until he cooled off and practiced his guitar.  Eventually he became his normal self and apologized and tried to be cutesy with me the rest of the evening.

My biggest consolation in starting the process of losing goddess status with my child was that my younger son (7 yrs) watched his brother’s behavior and then came running to give me a hug!  He couldn’t understand why his brother was being so mean to mom.  Mommy is so nice and never boring.  Goddess status restored….for a few more years anyway.

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Game of Thrones!

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

Last year I was introduced to and fell in love with an HBO series called Game of Thrones.  Each episode was enthralling and left me wanting more.  It satisfied my love for historical fiction, fantasy and sexy drama even if it was set in a time and place created by George R.R. Martin.  I learned that it was based on a book series called “Song of Ice and Fire” and the first season was based on the first book.  After the exciting cliffhanger of the first season, I was too eager and curious for more so I started reading the series.

It was nice because HBO stayed true to the books so my transition from watching to reading was quite seamless.  I couldn’t stop reading these long and involved books with tons of characters and numerous story lines to follow.  To my advantage, I didn’t have to wait for each subsequent book in the series since they weren’t new, only new to me.  I went through 4 of the books and was totally immersed in Martin’s world.  Now, I’m on the 5th and suddenly my pace has slowed.  Through no fault of the book’s, I suddenly felt drained and overwhelmed.  Maybe it was the nonstop reading of thousands of pages or information overload.  In any case, I took a break from it and read two other good but shorter books and now I’m back with it.  I guess sometimes it’s true, if you love something let it go…..  Well, our relationship survived!

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The Help

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

So I recently finished the book The Help and really enjoyed it.  It was a quick read and about an interesting subject.  I mean I have seen movies that have black maids and you can make some assumptions about their lives but this book gave much more insight.  It was good to hear that perspective and the characters were easy to relate to.  Though a fictional tale, it was educational and inspiring.

I also just watched the movie since I was curious about all the awards buzz and wanted to see how they interpreted the story.  It was also quite good and very well acted.  However it was different from the book and seemed lighter.  It had all the same serious undertones but the book seemed to express more of the stress and fear of the maids and their lives.  Both were good in their own right.  Check them out if you haven’t yet…

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The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

Excited about seeing the new movie, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, we finally made it happen yesterday.  Clearly not a movie for young kids, we got my parents to babysit and off we went.  The trailers, the sexy and dark soundtrack and of course the book itself, had us excited and curious.

Well, it did not disappoint.  All the actors did a great job and David Fincher brought it all together wonderfully.  It maintained a dark, cold feel.  In fact, my husband says the imagery had him feeling cold in the movie theater while typically I’m the only one still freezing inside.  It stayed true to the book and Rooney Mara completely transformed herself into Lisbeth Salander.  It was hard to believe she was the same ‘girl next door type’ that played the girlfriend in The Social Network. She really proved herself during some very intense and painful scenes and came off as a seasoned actress.

For fans of the book, I think Fincher visualized it well but of course could not include as much detail since it was already 2 hrs and 37 mins.  For those who had not read the book, however, I think you have to pay a lot of attention to understand the unraveling of the mystery.  All in all a good theater experience but not for the faint of heart!

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Why the never-ending ‘Mom guilt’?

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

Lately, I’ve noticed that whether you’re a working mom or stay at home with the kids, you can’t escape the ‘mom guilt’.  It is a phenomenon that keeps good, caring women feeling insecure and inadequate.  Many working moms have expressed feeling bad that they are missing time with their kids while pursuing their careers or feel overwhelmed with the stress of giving the kids enough time and attention after an exhausting day of work.  On the other hand, moms who have made a full-time job of caring for the kids and family feel like they are not living to their full potential because they don’t have a separate career.  Whether it’s because the husband voices his pressures as the sole-earner or because you feel judged by working moms who believe you to be lazy or just too simple-minded to have a career, the insecurity looms.  You feel like you’re not doing enough.

In current times, women are able to do most anything men can and we expect ourselves to.  That’s why not having a successful career like your husband doesn’t seem okay anymore.  However, nature put us in the position of being the ones to carry and give birth to our children so that gives us extra responsibility.  Additionally, women are naturally more emotional, patient and nurturing so we can’t escape our own desires to be there for our children’s every need.  The dads these days take more responsibility for the kids and want to spend time with them. However, I think they feel good about the time they got to spend and don’t generally fault themselves so much for what they couldn’t do.  Is it a Mars/Venus thing?  Is it about the struggle with changing gender-roles? Or, is it that women, as more sensitive beings, just have more capacity to feel guilt?….

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Taking the fun out of shopping.

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

I love to shop like many other women but recently have been disappointed, especially by Macy’s.  It was once a store I really liked going to but lately they keep taking away designers that I like and forcing us to only look at their own labels.  It just seems very un-American.  Our variety of options, along with good prices is what keeps all the Europeans and Asians coming here for shopping excursions.

Each time I have been to a Macy’s recently I have been told “oh, we don’t carry that designer anymore”.  This has been a standard answer to my search for clothes I liked from their Impulse, Michael Kors, and DKNY departments.  I finally asked what lines they do carry and was told by a sarcastic employee “INC, we just carry INC!”.  I can’t deny that I do like the INC clothes but there needs to be variety.  I don’t know if this is a function of the economy and some of the Macy’s are not carrying the higher end brands or if Macy’s is just trying to increase their margins by giving us no choice but theirs.  I can understand most malls in the suburbs wouldn’t carry all the brands of a big city store but they are going too far.  I don’t expect Versace and Chanel in these malls but at least bring back what we’ve been buying for years.  Otherwise, I guess I’ll just shop there less and be a Lordy or Nordy instead!

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Don’t let Reality TV kill creativity….

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Reena

So today I’m in mourning over the cancellation of a show I grew up with, One Life To Live.  I watched it on and off over the years but always kept track of the stories. Since I left my job to raise my kids, I have been watching it regularly again.  Even the kids know mommy’s one show is on.  Though they were excited that it was ending so that they could monopolize the tv with the Disney channel, lately even they have been feeling bad for me and my show.  Now I know that it hasn’t been quality programming all the time and often the acting and story lines can be a bit silly.  However, you can’t expect too much when they need to put on a show every weekday for 40ish years.  Still, the characters become familiar and the stories are a nice getaway from the reality of life.

Lately though, it seems that we are not allowed to getaway from the reality of life.  There is more and more thrust upon us with the increasing talk and reality shows on the air.  Even OTLT is being replaced by a panel talk show which starts today but I refuse to watch.  I mean how many of those do we need.  Do we all really want to just talk about our lives and our problems all the time.  Don’t we want to escape sometimes to a different world with interesting people and new possibilities?

I know it is cheaper not to pay actors or hire creative writers to come up with ideas but is it really ok to just give up on creativity?  I’ve read that our nations creative IQ is declining for the first time in generations and that will hurt us in a globally competitive market.  That creativity gave us the edge when it came to inventions, innovations, entertainment, etc.  Now it seems that instead of trying to foster and rebuild it we are surrounded by executives and people saying no big deal.  They seem ok with just peeking in on random groups of people living odd lives and calling it entertainment or getting a bunch of professionals together to chit chat on air about different subjects.  Where are the intelligent new shows full of interesting ideas and good acting?  Why are we letting reality shows kill all the creative ones???

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